Unrelated.

On a completely different, somewhat somber note, maybe you should ignore

For those who did not know, in a creative spurt I've had running over the last couple of weeks (I blame it on not getting out of the house enough), I did write seven and a half pages about my ups and downs with Nick. What I didn't do is post it for everyone to see. What I'm going to do is post an exerpt or three, because I feel like it. Deal with it, bitches. Riverside.

First, on arriving to JACON (Japanese Animation Convention Orlando):
"But by the time we got there, one of the crew was antsy for us being late and getting lost. She began shouting at us because she was missing her favorite voice actor's speech. It was irritating to all of us, and we all started getting riled up at one another. When we finally got to the hotel the convention was at, I suddenly felt like the therapeutic three hours down to Orlando had been a waste, because all of the stress of the loss of my car, of my father's screaming match, of Seth driving by, came straight back down on my shoulders. And now, all of my friends were looking to me, asking me "where are we going, what are we doing?" I didn't know. How could I know? What was I supposed to do?

The hole opened up again.

But it was amazing. Just like in the movies. You watch as one character's slipped, they're falling, you go to cover your eyes, and at the last second a hand reaches out and grabs hold of the character's wrist. They look up and there's the biggest, warmest smile on the hero.

There was a big, warm smile. And it was coming from Nick.

He had given his pass to the friend of mine who had been causing a ruckus, so she could run inside without us. He came over to my window. I looked up at him, and he was just smiling. I could have cried. I really could have cried. But I just asked, "Where are we going?" And he said "Let me show you," and got in the car. Took us to our hotels, gave us our room cards, showed us around."

Second, from during JACON:
"Really, the rest of JACON, in my memory, is a series of moments. Good moments, bad moments.
A moment where I watched him watching someone take pictures of me in my costume.
A moment where he was drunk from a screwdriver and we went to Cyberia, the rave dance at night.
A moment where we were on a balcony, high above the rest of the congoers, and he saw the Prince from the video game Katamari Damacy that I had been trying to get a good picture of, grabbed my camera and ran down to get pictures for me.
A moment where he leaned into a picture of me in my costume with a purple balloon monkey hanging from my halo.
A moment where he ate some soggy french toast sticks I made in the microwave.
A moment where he kneeled by a queue divider, on the phone with his girlfriend, sounding like he was on the brink of tears, and I didn't know what to do... I didn't want to leave him alone, but I didn't want him feeling like I was too close.
A moment where he was jealous of me spending so much time with Ash.
A moment where I went with Tom, the head of Wasabi, to visit the Red vs. Blue table, and I got Nick's idol, Gus, to come back to the Wasabi table so I could get a picture of them together.
A moment where he was lying on the ground instead of in the bed with Sammy and I in the middle of the night, and I leaned over the side of the bed to make sure that he was okay.
A moment where he called me up to tell me Meagan's tiger tail was hanging out the door when we were driving back to Jacksonville.
So many moments."

Lastly, from my birthday:
"Still I'm certain it was right. I have no regrets about that night, nor any about the nights following. Not one. Nor will I ever. Because, in those ten days, I knew I had felt myself falling for him. As sure as I had known when I met Seth. As sure as I had ever been about anything in my life. That complete certainty that washes over you like a cool, relaxing, calming wave, just saying "there's no need to worry about this. This is what you think it is." In a world where there's so much uncertainty, something to grab a hold of and savor."

And that's all you get, 'cuz only one person would ever get to see the whole thing, and he doesn't care to. Not that anyone else will read all of this anyway. I just felt the need to post it, so I did. I'm so need-based. XD